the no-fi "interview"
with
Kitten Natividad

There is this list I keep in my head of names that I consider my "dream interviews." This is a list, of course, of interviews that I hope to be able to do someday and so far I've been lucky enough to check off a lot of those names...this includes my latest interview with actress Kitten Natividad.

I first saw Kitten on a show I shouldn't have been watching when I was a little kid that was on the Playboy channel. It was an English show called "Electric Blue" and in this episode there were segments featuring Kitten as an airline stewardess trying her best to calm down a randy crew and it's passengers during some turbulence which was caused by the captain of the plane dealing with another stewardess. Ok, so I was a weird kid watching this weird TV show, but it was my first introduction to this chestular performer. (It's my magazine, I can make up my own words.)

In reality, I later found out that I've seen her work in a lot of films, but I never realized it. She's been in "Airplane!", "Another 48 Hours", and many many others. I finally saw her in starring roles when I rented the Russ Meyer films "Up!" and what many thought would be his final film (until he released "Pandora Peaks" this year,) "Beneath The Valley Of The Ultravixens". (In case you don't know, Russ Meyer is the director of the cult favorites "Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!," "The Immoral Mr. Teas," and the epic "Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls" which he co-wrote with a young Roger Ebert before he became a film critic.)

Doing some graphic work for Mondo Family Films, I found myself invited to join their posse at the Russ Meyer film festival at the world famous Egyptian Theatre in 2000. They introduced me to Kitten, who was so charming it was impossible to be shy around her. As we took our seats in the theatre I found myself sitting right between her AND the man who not only inspired Quentin Tarantino, but Fellini himself...Russ Meyer! There I am sitting right next to two of my screen idols and one of them, Kitten, is eating my popcorn.

So after the films, we all say our goodbyes and I tell Kitten I would love to interview her sometime and I was astonished that she said that she would love to. Of course this ran into last year when all I did no-fi "magazine-wise was a couple so-far unpublished interviews and I posted a few pictures. I would e-mail her every once in a while to basically let her know that I still wanted to do the interview. In between all this time, Kitten has gone through some well publicized health problems and has even quit drinking and has been a member of AA for 2 and a half years. After getting the "magazine" restarted earlier this year, I was able to actually set up the interview a couple weeks ago and here we are now.

This interview took place at El Compadré which is my favorite Mexican restaurant in Hollywood. Knowing that she loves Mexican food I thought she would like it too. We did the interview over dinner and it was certainly interesting...especially considering the setting and all.


C=Chris Beyond
K=
Kitten Natividad

C: Where were you from originally and what was your life like growing up?
K: U, I was born in Juarez Chihuahua Mexico. Raised in El Paso, Texas. Primarily it's very Mexican there. In other words you speak Spanish everywhere. In school too...except in the classroom, but my life there was very happy. We didn't have a lot, but I had a lot of friends...and a lot of wonderful activities and music and parties and you know what, I never drank. There were no drugs around. There was nothing bad. I didn't even say the word "fuck."
(we laugh)
C: KITTEN! What are the internet people going to think?
K: Ohhh, well, I mean never! It was really strange. I mean the worst thing I ever did was chew gum in class. I was very good. I did As and Bs.
C: (trying to be clever) ...and Ds.
K: No, no Ds. (gets it) HEY! Only in my bra size! (we laugh) But I was president of my senior class. President of senior committee. I was very very into everything...journalism. I loved it. I loved having a full rich life. And as far as boys go I loved to tease them only because I loved to be voted into everything. I was a slut that way (I laugh) but my heart belonged to a guy who went to another school. And I did NOT lose my virginity until graduation NIGHT. YES! I went out with a blast! It was a big bang! (laughs)
C: I...I...went to Disneyland.
K: (laughs at me) Ooooooooh.
C: But I met a girl.
K: That's good.
C: She's on the cover of another issue.
K: OooOoooo.
(I explain the ex-issue to her.)
C: When you first met Russ was he able to stand up right away or did it take him a few minutes?
K: Um...he stood up right away. In otherwords. I knew it was him and he was facing...giving me his back...so I walked forward...and he's a tall man and I was wearing 5 inch high-heels so I brushed my breasts on his back and he goes, "Ooooooh!" and then he turns around and it's me. That was my introduction. Instead of shaking hands I rubbed my breasts on his back and he was...he fell in love (she laughs).
C: See if more people would do THAT, that would solve the Middle East problem. That's another thing...at the Egyptian thing. I got to sit next to both you AND Russ Meyer on either side of me. (pause) I made it! (We laugh!)
K: And I was eating your popcorn.
C: And you were welcome to it. I should have brought more popcorn here. Next time I'll bring a big ol' bag.
K: Oh, I love it!
C: It's good for you too.
K: Yeah. (she eats a tortilla chip.)
C: Russ has called his former co-writer Roger Ebert "A tit-man who loves food." How would you describe Russ Meyer?
K: Russ? Totally obsessed with boobs. Oooo. Russ hardly looks me in the eye. Let's just say that. Yeah, I think he can't top staring. He really appreciates breasts.
(We talk a little "off-the-record." Sorry folks. My call on this one.)
C: In one of the many bios I found on you online, I read that the film "Up!" was very uncomfortable to watch. Why?
K: Uncomfortable to watch?
C: Yeah... Mind you that we're dealing with the internet here so they could have misquoted you.
K: No! I loved Up! I LOVED it! It was uncomfortable to do and it was my first film. It was my first acting film ever and, of course, it was with Russ and he wanted perfection. I was NERVOUS! NERVOUS! And, of course, I hardly ever wore clothes there. I never wore clothes there and of course I had to be naked from morning until we finished for the day. Walked around naked all the time.
C: THAT was the uncomfortable part?
K: No, it wasn't even uncomfortable, but what was uncomfortable was when he would direct me and I had all these big big lines and he would say, "don't blink" and I was facing the sun and my eyes would get dry...
C: He was probably using natural lighting too.
K: Yeah, cuz he loves outdoors. It was all shot outdoors. No, it was uncomfortable MAKING it because I sat on trees that had ants crawling up my ass.
(I begin cracking up, Kitten joins me.)
C: It's ok. It's the internet.
K: (laughing) You know what I mean. It was not uncomfortable to watch, it was uncomfortable to make!
C: That's why I had to ask.
K: I'm glad you're correcting all this stuff.
C: We'll find all the people giving out the wrong info and hunt them down and slap 'em. Do you have any crazy celebrity stories that you've never told anyone until now?
K: Celebrity stories about what? You mean other men?
C: I guess. Like any secrets you've kept to yourself.
K: No, except I worked in Africa with Udo Kier (star of "Andy Warhol's Dracula" and the new "Feardotcom") and I remember that we could buy a bathtub of beer and we'd only pay like 50 dollars so we'd buy it every Friday and get everybody smashed. And then we'd start dancing and they were all German and they spoke German all the time so I don't know what the hell they were talking about, but I kept saying, "Yah Yah."
C: They were probably saying, "What a light drinker."
K: Yeah. (she laughs.) No Udo was a sweet sweet man and I miss being in Africa.
C: He's doing the big movies again, you've gotta do the big movies again.
K: Yes. You know he got me that job by the way.
C: Wow! So there you go. He lives nearby doesn't he?
K: Yeah, by Dodger stadium.
C: He must be in Silverlake by where I live. I saw him outside of a store once. Um, what is going on with the DVDs that Russ has finally decided to put out? Do you know anything about them and any possible commentaries?
K: Well, I'll tell you one thing, I probably will not be included. For one thing the girl (his assistant who is pretty much running his affairs who many people feel is doing this without regard to his fans and friends) does not want to pay us anyway and I think they'd have to pay us, so I don't know what's going on with that.
C: I heard Schwartzenegger got paid 10,000 dollars for his commentary on Total Recall....just to talk for a little over an hour.
K: 10,000 dollars? WoooOOooooh! Yeah!
C: Just to sell some DVDs. I'm sure they sold,...but 10,000 dollars is a lot to just talk.
K: Yeah, and he can talk too.
C: Well,... I saw the commentary...
K: Wasn't that good?
C: Wellll... Anyway, you'll like this one. Who was your favorite Iron Chef and why?
K: Who was my favorite Iron Chef? I watched the show, but I don't have a favorite Iron Chef. They're all eccentric nuts. (she laughs.) Do you have one?
C: I would say Iron Chef Japanese...um because I went to Japan a couple years ago.
K: Ok, me too (she laughs again and I join in).
C: Yes, what ever I say. You know what though, in Japan I got to go to the Iron Chef Chinese's restaurant. It was great. It was the best Chinese food I ever had in my life. It was somewhat affordable too.
K: (finalizing her answer) Iron Chef Japanese.
C: Masaharu Morimoto
K: Look at you! You know...Ooooh Baby!
C: I'm forced to watch that show every week, but I like it. I just pretend that I don't.
K: It's pretty incredible. I always have to decide if I want to see decorating or if I want to see people cook. It drives me nuts. I want to see both!
C: The guy who hosts that show played Jesus Christ in the Japanese version of Jesus Christ Superstar. (Kitten laughs) You can totally see that too. Have you ever worked with any directors that you found yourself absolutley hating? You don't have to answer that.
K: You know what, I've ever worked with somebody I didn't like. They probably didn't like me, but...too bad.
C: I find that hard to believe personally..
K: Directors are usually very kind hearted.
C: What's the weirdest dream you've ever had?
K: The weirdest dream I've ever had ever since I was a child I kept seeing this brick wall with a round sidewalk and nothing but red dirt, red dirt and this sidewalk. I dreamt that for years and years and years...and then I went to Africa where we filmed and there was this brick wall with this red dirt with this round path and THAT WAS IT. My dream took me there...and I've never dreamt that dream again, but I've always dreamt it and wondered where have I seen it, it was where I was gonna go. Yeah it's very very scary, but I mean from 9 years old to dream it all the time and sometimes it would be for weeks and weeks and it would stop and then I would go again and it went on until I was 40, 45. Yeah. And then I'm out there that summer day and said, "this is the dream I'm always having." And then I never dreamt that again.
C: So strange.
K: It was very scary, but you know what, it was like my brain knew someday I'd go there. I've been trying to dream that to see if I'm going back to Africa, but I just haven't dreamt that anymore.
C: I hope to go back to Japan next year.
K: I've been there. Yes. I liked it very much.
C: See I collect toys...
K: You mean the kind women like?
C: Uh, yeah... Yeah... Come check out my robots. (Kitten laughs) Yeah, come check out my ACTION figures (laughing).
K:
(laughing) Yeah, I like that.


Click here to see part two of the Kitten Natividad interview, you!