= Fun Facts out of the Boxx =
by Rev. Roger Boxx
(illustrations by Mike Walton)
Little known facts and misconceptions about Heaven:
All women wear Catholic school-girl uniforms in Heaven. (Roosevelt 55:6)
Masturbation is encouraged. (Kevin 33:2)
God has an open challenge to arm wrestle for the throne of Heaven. (Charles 2:11)
Plaid is the official color of Heaven's Hockey team, The Pretty-boys. (Joshua 4:55)
They don't recycle in Heaven. (Jacob 32:4)
Get there early or you'll never find a place to park. (Patrick 10:44)
All the former popes walk around in boxer shorts scratching themselves. (Brad 12:52)
Heaven has a bad termite problem. (Hebrews 4:24)
Hitler lives next door to Mother Teresa in Heaven. (Ephesians 3:15)
Thursday Night is Yatzee night in Heaven. (Psalm 100: 1-6)
The only food available in Heaven is dolphin jerky. (Proverbs 25:13)
Jesus plays the banjo...poorly. (Marcus 9:3-6)
No DVD's in heaven. It's all Beta. (Samuel 5:5)
Everyone must carry a gun in Heaven. (Ricardo. 3:11)
Houses in Heaven have no indoor plumbing. (Exodus 14:10)
Only midgets can get into the highest kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 18:32)
The angel Gabriel throws down cardboard and breakdances for change (Mazinger 25:25)
God lives in a palace made out of Gingerbread and Trout. (Frederick 10:6-9)
God is a black lesbian. (Leviticus 4:5)
God hates it when people call her Mr. God or Mrs. God. (Rodney 2:16)
Little Known facts and misconceptions about Hell:
Cell phone coverage is horrible in Hell. (2 Chronicles 28:8-42)
Satan is a duck. (Henry 6:10)
MTV's TRL 24/7 in Hell. (Psalms 88:4-7)
It smells like burnt popcorn in Hell. (Matthew 5:24)
Everyone gets an office intern in Hell. (Numbers 7:3)
Satan is a neat freak and washes his hands every 5 minutes. (Donyohorameo 7:2)
Hell has an $8 cover charge. (Deuteronomy 2:34)
Three words: Neon Neon Neon (read: Tacky Tacky Tacky). (Cleetus 7:1)
In hell everyone lives next door to the cast of Full-House. (Judges 9:49)
Satan can't hold his liquor, he winds up doing the Macarena after a couple shots of Tequila. (Ruth 2:21-23)
Everyone has 18 digit phone numbers in Hell. (John 16:12)
Masturbation is frowned upon in Hell. (Rachel 3:5)
Everyone is a professional wrestler in Hell. (Nehemiah 13:26)
Hell is about 3 miles from Rexburg Idaho. (Esther 19:45)
There is one mediocre rollercoaster in Hell. The line is long, but what's your hurry mister? (Trevor 3:2-9)
(Roger Boxx is a writer/contributor to No-Fi "Magazine"
and talks to fallen angels!)
