NO-FI "REVENGE STORIES"
Cranky Tales of Creative Comeuppance!

In the style of the paper editions of No-Fi "Magazine", I thought I'd ask some people I know down the grapevine, friends and aquantances, if they also had some revenge stories to share with our readers. Here's a good sampling of what I got.


Heather; Self described "Ironic Hipster Trash"

I don't know if this really is what you're looking for, but here goes:

Back when I lived in a southern college town famous for its music scene, one of the first shows I went to see was for a band which featured members of another, more renowned group. The opening act was an ancillary member of another semi-popular band doing his own solo stuff on guitar. It was the worst 45 minutes of my life. The songs were terrible, the dude couldn't play guitar, and his friends just kept encouraging him. It was one of the worst "performances" I had ever seen. I looked at my boyfriend and said, "I want my 45 minutes back."

A few days later, I was at another show at the club. The guy who made my first show in town so miserable walked by. I surreptitiously kicked him. When he turned around, I feigned it was an accident, with a whole, "Gosh, I'm sorry." Sometimes revenge is best when you're the only one who knows it's revenge.


Jenny; Rockabilly DJ

Once this bitchy bar-tender asked me if I had a problem with her service because I guess she thought that I didn't tip her enough. She had plenty of tips from guys that were staring at her boobs so I didn't know what her damage was. So when she came back with my beer I slapped down a dollar and said "THERE, THERE'S YOUR TIP" and walked away.

Later on I saw her chatting up a guy and sipping on a cup of water. She put her cup down & went to dance, so I casually went over and spat a huge gob in her cup.

Best part is, I was just getting over a nasty cold. I watched her sip on the drink afterwards while she was chatting up another fellow...it was such sweet revenge.


Kitty Diggins; Burlesque Star/Writer

I wish I could think of a good revenge story, but even though I am an angry person, I don't really bother with revenge too much. I have done a few things to kind of "even the score" in a sense, but I wouldn't count them as revenge. Maybe I'm too "good" or too karmically phobic....

I have had zillions of fantasies of killing sprees, and the like,...but I think I really reached a kind of understanding of it several years back.

Also, I am a Capricorn , I keep my cool, rather an act like an asshole in public when I am pissed.


Mike Naz; Former lead guitarist of PAIGE

One day I conveniently failed to mention to my asshole coworker that there were unflagged toothpicks holding his sandwich together. Man, it felt so good to watch that.


Rebecca; Ninja

I have a revenge story .... once when I was in middle school me and my mom got in a fight so I went through all her vitamins and emptied them out and replaced them with ExLax! She was shitting all crazy for weeks! It was awesome! to this day she never knew about the ExLax bandit. (a.k.a ME!)


Rich Polysorbate 60; Performance Artist/Musician

I lived in a quad (student living spaces) about 1988-89. I was not a student it was just cheap. The other people there were horrible so in retaliation I would spike the drinks (often beer) in the fridge with my urine...also the shampoo and hair conditioner I would spike with Nair. Carpenter nails came in handy for the tires on their noisy cars. One extreme bitch got Anti-abuse in her left open diet beer. She was in the bathroom kissing and polishing the porcelain with her biled, stringy big fat lips.


Sheryl; Painter

Nope, gladly, I have never been the victim of revenge, although I have taken out my fair share. Once when I was about 22, I was working at a restaurant in Santa Barbara. We had a new manager in who was a real corporate ass, right outta the movie "Office Space". He made us all wear ties...(ties!!!) and he did a lot of coke, it was well known, which made his asshole moods swwwwwing like a pendulum. He was the worst, and I argued with his asinine policies and complaints. Soon, I got fired for a technicality, after working there for 4 years, but, in reality, he just didn't like the way I stood up to him, and was looking for a reason to get rid of me. It really hurt to be fired, since I loved my job and took pride in my work.

It was right around Thanksgiving, and our household made this huge pot of turkey gumbo. That gumbo sat, covered, on our stove for months. (REALLY! Like 2 months!) everyone was afraid to open the lid and pour it out, so I volunteered, but I secretly took it down to the restaurant and poured the whole nasty concoction all over said manager's motorcycle, rendering it totally ruined! Horrible of me, I know, but hey! I was only 22! I have grown up a lot since then, and no more do I take out my frustrations on people in that way. Heh.heh.


Victoria Renard; Photographer/Burlesque Performer/Film Director

This weekend I threw a drink in a guy's face and then punched him in the jaw in a crowded room full of all his peers.

That falls more into the "public humiliation" catergory though, doesn't it?

Well there's the old "take his library card he left in your wallet, check out a bunch of books, don't return them, let the library fees roll in, then return them two years later."
I heard that's a good one.


E-Mail Chris Beyond at the link below.