NO-FI "MAGAZINE"
"Can I buy a vowel, please? No? Oh, ok."


It's taken me a while to get to writing this introduction to this issue and in fact it took a while to get this issue rolling.

A lot has happened between the last issue and this one in our personal lives and everyone one knows all the stuff thats been going on in terms of the end of the world and all, Y'know hurricanes, earthquakes, floods, locust, Dick and Bush, etc, etc...

So here I am back in California after a week vacation in Florida.

This is also another incredibly late introduction to an issue you are probably pretty familiar with if you are a regular reader. If you're even reading this intro, then you probably are. Good for you, pal! You've made a great choice.

Anyway, it was weird doing a vacation where I actually didn't do very much No-Fi "Suff". What I did was wait in a lot of lines. I went to all the Disney Theme parks and even some of the Hotels I wasn't even staying in. Yeah, it was a serious vacation...and it felt like a long weekend. Perhaps because we didn't do anthing other than Disneyland (and Universal Studios Florida) stuff.

As we come to the close of the year, I see that we didn't do as much as we had hoped this year. Maybe living under the oppression of a certain president who favors religion and torture over the rights of our citizens. Sure, that's a little harsh, but that's just breaking it down to the core points. It's just been a depressing year living in a country where people from other countries who once respected us think we're following another Hitler. So there I was at Disneyworld's Hall Of Presidents...and before me rose the animatronic visage of George W. Bush...who seriously went on for minutes about shining beacons of freedom over kids who mustn't be left behind in a speech that he actually recorded for this attraction shortly after "becoming" the president.

A couple people clapped.

Yikes.

All the animatronic Bill Clinton could do was shake his animatronic head behind animatronic G.W. Then I think he stained the back of G.W.'s suit. Well, I wish he did anyway. After animatrontic G.W.'s animatronic speech, animatronic Abe Lincoln had to get up to speak and althouigh he was animatronic, I like to make up stuff in my mind that perhaps he felt a little ticked off having to follow such an animatronic dick. Of, course I like to make up things...but only or humorous effect.

The weirdest part about the trip is how I felt getting on the plane to get to Florida in the first place. Each time I take a plane trip somewhere I grow increasingly nervous as if perhaps this trip will be the one that goes down in a fiery wreck. I know tha this is rediculous. I think part of me thinks that I've had so many plane trips that I keep increasing the odds of getting on a plane trip where something will go wrong. Maybe the lading gear will twist into some impossible angle or some fellow will set fire to his shoes in hopes to blow us all up. I worry about this syuff and I really shouldn't. Still as I sit in the plane, preferably at a window seat, I imagine seeing the engine fail and wonder what it'll feel like dying in a plane and which parts of the plane it would be more painful to sit in if there were such a disater while I was on board. That's what it feels like to live in America,...and actually probably anywhere in the world, today.

Oddly enough I don't think about it so much on the return trip.

So this is the "The Wheel Of Themes Issue" and it's cuck full of odds and ends that could easily have been picked at random from some "actual" wheel of chance. We have an interview with a band whose name just might really be the most offensive name ever and I don't mess around with a claim like that. We also have an aborted interview with a band we really like, but they didn't want to give us a chance to help promote them, So we're promoting them anyway...just in a way they expected. Other than that we have a bunch of strange articles and all the regualr what-not.

So rather than going on, I'll cut myself off and get cracking on the next issue. And if I do ever find myself in some airline disaster, perhaps the plane will tear apart my flesh and the fire will crisp my bones, but you'll still be out there and all will not be lost.

Yr. No-Fi Pal as always...,

Chris Beyond

(Chris Beyond is the creator of No-Fi "Magazine" and never flies out of control.)


E-Mail Us your thoughts!