no-fi "magazine" presents
... 5 Reasons Why Stalkers Aren't So Bad ...
by Aurora Cupcake
1.) You are always safe: It's true. If your stalker is a good one, he/she is always watching you and always knows where you are at. Late night walking to your car alone can be scary. If you have a creepy admirer, most likely they are always 6 ft away from you (if they are really good they will have a camera or some kind recording device handy), watching, waiting for you. Nobody would ever be able to kidnap you or hurt because your stalker is always there to protect you.
2.) Always knows if loved ones are betraying you:
Stalkers also tend to keep an eye on your loved ones (boy/girl friend and best friends). You will always know if your boyfriend is cheating on you because most likely your stalker has photos of them doing it, in hopes you will break up with your boyfriend and start dating them. Hopefully, you have a smart stalker. One that can hack into your friends myspace accounts and knows who is being a true friend and who is being a sh*t talker.
3.) Biggest supporters: Really, who supports you more? Your stalker has dozen or your photos. He/she will buy all of your old gear you sell on eBay or at a garage sale. Okay, so your stalker might go through your garbage and may save falling pieces of your hair, but is that really so terrible? I mean we all have strange habits.
4.) Confidence builders: Stalkers are the best confident builders. 
(who doesn't love attention) They are also thinking about you, wondering where you are, what you are doing, and what you are wearing. Stalkers always leave comments on all your myspace photos. It is extremely flattering when your stalker takes your photo and cuts and paste a photo of themself next to you where your friend, mom, or dog use to be.
5.) Always keeping you on your toes: Who doesn't love Surprises? Whether it is a rose on the porch or an ear in the mail, gifts are always fun and your stalker will send you plenty.
So next time you want to run or call the cops on your stalker. Stop, take a second, and thank them. Because nobody loves you more than your secret creepy admirer.
Cupcake is a new contributing writer to No-Fi "Magazine"
and is watching you through your window right now.
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