no-fi "magazine" presents
Simply Irresistible.
By Cherry DeBoise
"C'mon baby let me just show it to you?"
"Pleeease? I just want to show it to you."
"No, that's alright...really."
"You don't have to touch it, just have a look? Yeah?"
"Um, yeah...no."
Really guys? Has this line worked for anyone? Where the hell did it come from anyway? An advice column in Maxim Magazine? Or is it scripted in a footnote of your man-manual under "How to succeed when they won't touch your cock after hours of begging?" I've seen this scene played out several times recently, with yours truly cast as the unsuspecting female. To be quite frank I don't remember the last time I thought, "Gee, I'm really not into this guy but oh wait...what's this? His dick?! Wow, it's gorgeous! I MUST have it. His genitalia is simply irresistible!"
This new phenomenon is troubling to me. Now I'm not one to be accused of being prude but I'm really beginning to long for the days when a simply "Fuck off, I'm not going to stroke it" did the trick. The rejected male would eventually admit defeat, gently nurture his resentment and then be off on his merry way to spread the word that you were a two-faced syphilitic cock-tease. Ahh, the good ol' days. But alas, times have changed and the female race as a whole is faced with this new dilemma.
Instinctively we turn our eyes crotch-ward when we hear the sound of a zipper being pulled. It's like being told, "Oh god, don't look over there! It's too horrible! The horror, the horror!" Naturally, we look. Okay maybe it's just me. I like the zippy sound that zippers make. I also like to gawk at violent fatal car accidents. Exposing your dick as a last ditch attempt to bed me, however - not digging that so much. Furthermore, it's not working. Despite my delicately floozy persona I've learned to "just say no." So in closing, thank you Nancy Reagan. Your noble war on cock was successful. That was her anti-sex campaign slogan, right?
Anyways, enough with these absurd tangents. I'm even starting to bore myself. Goodnight.
(Miss Deboise is a Contributing Writer to No-Fi "Magazine"
and, Yes, she does drink while writing too. Why do you ask?)
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