AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE COLON
MOVIE FILM FOR THEATRES

starring Dana Snyder, Dave Willis, Carey Means, Andy Merrill,
Bruce Campbell, MC Chris, Neil Peart, Directed by Matt Maiellaro & Dave Willis, , 2007
Distributed by First Look Pictures
Film Reviewed by Chris Beyond


There are a lot of people who think this film is not a real film at all, but an elaborate hoax. This isn't a joke. People really think that. Stupid people. Stupid DUMB people. But I was there. I saw it all happen. ...whatever it was.

Of course in trying to explain this film to you, it's not going to help me convince you that the film is, in fact, real. What didn't seem real was that we saw this film in a screening room in an office building, right across from a doctor's office. There would be no soda pop or popcorn in the smallish theatre for me and Elana Bean (who was kind enough to join me for the film). In fact the film was so real that it actually had me crying with laughter within the FIRST TWO MINUTES. That too is not a joke. It was during a "let's all go to the lobby" parody where kindly dancing candy, soda, and popcorn are confronted by a heavy metal group of movie theatre confections who then blast out the most hilarious threatening metal lobby song ever. Never before has a "lobby" song suggested that you leave your babies outside and then run them over after the movie.

The actual film begins millions of years ago in Egypt...at 3pm...in the year 1492...in New York. Stay with me here. Frylock (a giant floating box of French Fries and "straight man" to the group), Master Shake (a giant boastful milkshake and self appointed leader of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force), and Meatwad (a giant ball of meat that can change shapes and admittedly isn't very bright) are escaping from a giant Sphinx structure and are forced to defend themselves against a giant poodle that shoots lasers out of its eyes. Luckilly Frylock can also shoot lasers from his eyes and...uh...his fries. Then he gets killed. Meanwhile Master Shake and Meatwad are having trouble starting up their jeep and Master Shake finds himself having to save the day.

No, seriously, this is a real movie. Anyway, the Aqua Teens seek help from a VERY casually speaking Abraham Lincoln who builds them a wooden rocket ship to escape in...and just in time too because the CIA comes crashing into Lincoln's cabin, guns a'blazin', seconds after they leave. No, really, this is how the movie starts. Shut up.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theatres is based on the cartoon series Aqua Teen Hunger Force which was created in 2001 and still runs today on the Cartoon Network as part of its Adult Swim lineup. If you are familiar with the show, and LIKE the show, then you are in luck because this film is a PERFECT translation of the series. Instead of trying to appeal to a broader base as it seems like the Strangers With Candy film tried to do when it made the jump to the big screen, this film sticks with what made it work in the first place. The nonsensical, often improvised, riffing is all there. The main difference is that there actually seems to be some kind of steady plot running through the film, although it's really just there for dressing.

In the film, The Aqua Teen Hunger Force are trying to put together some exorcize equipment that Master Shake had borrowed by way of breaking into their neighbor Carl's house. Unbeknownst to them, millions of miles away beyond Pluto...in New York...The Cybernetic Ghost Of Christmas Past has contacted the Plutonians Emory and Oglethorpe regarding the exorcize machine which if activated would destroy the universe or something like that. He reveals that he has a crucial piece of the machine that will prevent it from being put together;...a standard screw.


All of this is leads to a dramatic reunion with Dr. Weird who may or may not be the creator of The Aqua Teen Hunger Force. And what of the Mooninites who seem bent of stealing Dr. Weird's furniture? How does MC Pee Pants, the rapping Spider, fit into all of this? What is the secret of the immortal exorcize equipment? And what about that flaming chicken disturbs Frylock so much? Why is Neil Peart of the band Rush so tiny? Listen, I'm not making this up. If you are going to be like that, I don't have to keep writing this. I can just go home and wash my dishes. Because they need to be washed. Like your mouth.

So even if you don't know about the show, I can still recommend the movie. While it's not as dirty-minded as the South Park movie, I got the same feeling watching this as I did that film. The animation is still pretty simplistic and there are a bit more foley effects than the series, but otherwise it's very much like watching a longer version of one of the better ATHF episodes. It's basically an origin film, but also pretty obvious that most of the film takes place after the episodes of the series we've seen so far. The film eventually wraps itself up in the last minute of the film, but much like any episode of the series it doesn't matter.

At the screening we attended the film was stopped just as the credits started to run. So I can't say if there is an "easter egg" during or after the credits. Maybe there aren't any credits. There definitely weren't any at the beginning. ...not even during the new expanded Schooly D Aqua Teen theme song sequence. Maybe we really didn't see the movie.

No we definitely did and I hope you do too. If you don't then you can just come over here to wash my dishes. They aren't going to wash themselves.

The Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theatres opens in selected theatres across the country on April 13th.

(Chris Beyond is the creator of No-Fi "Magazine"
and really needs to get these dishes washed.)