the No-Fi "Magazine" interview with

conducted by Chris Beyond continued...

[Interview continues here]

C: If you could open up a store right now, what would you sell?

P: Moving equipment.

X: (to Peter) Your services as a poolboy.

P: Yeah, peterspoolboys.com.

X: (laughing) That sounds... I don't know what people would be expecting when they went to that site.

P: I own the website.

X: The question wasn't about 'what have you sold before on e-bay."

P: Fuck you! That's dirty man.

C: I think that's all you need to say.

P: Shirts and comics. I'd open a comic store that sold shirts too...and probably smoothies. In N' Out Burgers would be around the corner.

X: I don't know. I don't have anything to sell. I have nothing offer.

C: Advice. You could sell advice. Tell me something secret about something in your past. (I explain) From any... From all the way back in your past if you want. (I overexplain) AND it doesn't have to be something you're going to cry about, because... (I shuffle) BUT, if you want to... Mind you, I don't have a camera... (pause) I mean a videocamera...

X: I need a second to think about this.

P: Yeah give me a second...

(I make clock sounds with my tongue)

P: I guess... I started my own religion when I was a kid. It was called Religion Of The Yellow Horse...and it was based on the idea that, uh, when Jesus rides on the donkey, it was actually a yellow horse and so I had this little plastic yellow horse and this little temple with little wooden dowels and matchboxes and stuff. My brother then created his own religion like Religion Of The Beaver or something like that cuz I had my own religion and he had to have his own religion too.

C: That's how it happened in the beginning. You actually played out history.

P: I know...I guess. (to X) What about you? Your parents don't know you have a band.

X: OK, that's a secret. They don't know I'm in a band...which, you know, I'm part of this continuous tradition of Asian people whose parents don't know they're in a band. Cuz like SHONEN KNIFE apparently toured around the world before they told their parents and stuff. Yeah, basically, I'll never tell them that I'm in a band because I just couldn't deal with them calling me everyday and asking me what's going on in my life. So, yeah.

C: You think that would worry them?

P: They would make fun of you.

X: It wouldn't worry them. It would just, uh, it would be like...

P: "Why are you in a band? What is that?!? Why aren't you getting a job? What aren't you getting married? Get married NOW!"

X: Yeah, yeah... I gotta field the marriage one already, so I just don't want to add to it.

C: Uhhhh.... Have you ever held a monkey?

X: No, but I just saw that photoshoot where Fergie does. Is that what you're talking about?

C: (shakes head no.)

X: It's kind of creepy I think.

P: X doesn't like monkeys. She called chimpanzees and orangoutangs "coconut heads."

C: That really offends monkeys, by the way.

P: And she thinks they're creepy, but I think they're cool.

X:Peter thinks that any movie with a monkey is really funy. I don't get that.

P: Clint Eastwood with a monkey is really rad, man!

X: No, monkeys are evil.

P: They're fuckin' awesome.

C: Actually the only good thing from that series of films... I think the second one...on the soundtrack, there's a song called "Beers To You" sung by Ray Charles and Clint Eastwood.

P: Clint Eastwood did a duet with Ray Charles?

C: Yeah...and there's a fabulous line in there where he goes, "Hey Ray, you remember that redhead?" and he goes "Yeah I do!"

X: That's sounds familiar.

C: How would Ray Charles remember a redhead?

(LACO$TE laughs)

C: I mean, not to disrespect his blindness...He's totally blind...and dead. Ok, say something nice about each other.

(X pushes the question over to Mr Peas Knees)

P: X has a nice booty.

C: Awww.

X: Oh my god. I can't... Hmmm. What's nice about Peter. (She calls him something in French that I understand, but can't spell properly enough to include here.)

P: I guess... I thought it would be something like "hunk" or "awesome in bed." Stuff like that.

X: I'm just trying to preserve some modesty here.

P: Ok. (eyes X) Alright lady.

C: Who are some of your favorite LOCAL bands?

P: Ooh Ooh... I like SMOOTH GROOVES. I like ANAVAN. I like CAPTAIN AHAB. I like Cole. What's his fucking band name now?

X: He keeps changing it. You like A++.

P: I like...FOOT VILLAGE. BEACH BALLS is pretty awesome. I like Sean Carnage.

X: He's not actually a band. Well, he's in COCKWIND, but I've never heard COCKWIND.

P: I haven't seen his band, but I like him for putting on a lot of good shows.

X: I like Sean too.

P: He deserves to be with the bands.

C: Did he have a moustache at the last show?

P: YES!

C: I didn't recognize him.

X: You didn't know his new name? His new moniker?

P: Stash Fantasy!

C: It was weird. He was smiling all night and I was like, "That guy's a predator!"

P: He's got a steady boyfriend so he's no longer a predator. He's off the market.

C: Do you think there should be LACO$TE dolls and if so what kind of accessories would they include?

P: Damn! Fuck yeah man!

X: Really?

P: Yeah, dude. You in a doll? That'd be hot.

X: No, because like... Nooo... That's sort of weird.

P: You can show your mom. "This is X!"

X: I'm not all into that.

P: That's like you and the monkeys. They're too close to humans.

X: They have a weird power, dolls. I wouldn't want to make a doll of myself.

P: That's kind of like people like monkeys, like dolls, and like the internet, and some don't.

X: Second part of that question which had acessories... Like a shoe horse. You would have to have a hundred pairs of shoes.

P: Like colorful sneakers. I wear size 12, so if you want to send them to me. (to X) Your accessory would be an entire mall because you like to shop.

X: My accessory?!?

C: That'd be a playset.

X: That's not even... That's not fair.

P: A mall and maybe a Salvation Army and like a bunch of other...

C: It could be a Mini-Mall.

X: (to Peter) I think your doll would be hair extensions.

P: Hair extensions? What are you hinting at lady?

X: You know so you can finally be that wrestler...

P: Oh, fuck yeah! Ultimate Warrior. That's guy's awesome.

X: You know how Barbie dolls have Malibu Barbie and they have...

P: Firefighter Barbie.

C: 9/11 Barbie.

(LACO$TE laughs!)

P: (laughing) The classic... The classic Barbie...

X: There is no doll for me.

P: What about Daniel?

X: Daniel, that would be a cool doll.

P: Yeah. It'd be like the skater doll that smokes all the pot.

X: That steals crummies. You haven't heard of this? The thing that kids do? They steal crummies? It like those little things off of their tires...

(Just as X says the word "tires" a Drunk Girl crashes her bike onto the ground right behind us.)

C: Are you ok?!?

(Drunk Girl laughs)

X: Don't get a ticket.

DG: (picking up her bike) Um... I'm gonna work on that...and while I do it, I'm gonna go home.

(We watch her in amazement as she attempts to ride off.)

P: You got the pedal there...

C: Just go slow. GO SLOW!

(She crashes the bike again.)

C: Maybe you should walk the bike.

P: Yeah.

C: (Yelling to Drunk Girl and her friend on another bike) Maybe you should walk the bikes? Yeah, walk... Maybe walking...the bike...instead of falling the bike? (to LACO$TE) Now I wish we were videotaping this interview.

(Drunk Girl and her friend wobbly ride off down the street.)

X: Yeah, so yeah. He'd just have a bunch of crummies.

P: Crummies are on a tire. The little cap? They're called "crummies" for some reason and he would steal them when he was a little kid and he would collect comics.

X: Yeah, he was 14. Still does it.

C: I used to have Dice caps on my bike. And somebody stole them.

P: I've seen the little skull heads and stuff like that too.

C: When can we...Oh, I almost said new album, because I assumed that there was an album I didn't have... so when can we expect AN album?

X: A first album?

P: (laughs) Soon!

X: We're supposed to have one in September. So we'll see how that goes.

P: I don't think it's going to happen in September. There's a label in St. Lois called Apop they offered us to put out a full length LP, right?

X: Yeah, but that was three years ago.

P: X is a perfectionist. We record in my bedroom so it's a little tough to get Mariah Carey standards.

X: It basically comes down to I want to do stuff over and over again. He wants everything done in three takes. And we just end up being, "Fuck You!!!" but after an hour we don't record.

P: We've gotten better. Over the years we've learned to record better with each other. I get really stressed out when I'm recording. I just want to do three takes and she wants to do 17, 18, till it sounds perfect.

X: Which we'll never get to.

P: We're definitely working way harder than ever before working on an album. So we hope to have it done by September 30th.

X: We did take a break last year.

P: Yeah, for a while we weren't playing.

C: That's a big break.

P: That was a big break, but we're on a roll.

(We talk about recording LACO$TE for a future episode of No-Fi "Radio".)

X: Oh my god, we didn't add INLAND EMPIRE to our list of favorite bands!

P: Oh yeah! Margot from INLAND EMPIRE. We could think about a thousand more. SUPERFAST also.

C: Do you like CHILD PORNOGRAPHY?

X & P: Fuck yeah!

X: We played with them in SF and it was so amazing.

P: That's one of my favorite topics ever.

X: Peter secretly admires them.

P: Look, I even have it written down, see... (shows me a scrap of paper) "CHILD PORNOGRAPHY" and ROBIN WILLIAMS ON FIRE.

X: Oh yeah, but they're not L.A., but that's ok.

P: Well they never were to begin with. Half Riverside, half Oakland or something...

X: (to me) Don't you love them?

C: I haven't seen them actually. I've seen their name plenty of times.

(Peter relays a personal story about trying to recommend the band CHILD PORNOGRAPHY to a customer who was very offended by the name and was angry at him and reported him for bad customer service.)

C: And now we're really at the end and I would like to ask what are your final words of wisdom for our No-Fi readers?

X: You should eat three servings of cruciferous vegetables a week. Yeah. It's equal to eating 20 servings of other vegetables and uh,...that'd be my words of wisdom.

P: Dating crazy girls has its rewards. (laughs) Also if your parents don't like your music or makes fun of your music, it's probably worth doing. Thrift stores in Virginia are pretty cool.

X: Philz Coffee is San Francisco on 24th and Folsom is maybe the best coffee I've ever had. That's probably the most valuable piece of advice I have.

C: You probably just gained them three customers.

X: That cup of coffee was amazing.

P: Maybe I take back that answer. Maybe you should respect your parents. I love my mom.

[Interview ends here]


[Outro text begins here]
The nice fellows from HOW TO BE A MICROWAVE come by to pay LACO$TE for their show. We all trade goodbyes and slip into L.A.'s freeways under moonlight.

LACO$TE are playing lots of shows in and around Los Angeles and hope to have their debut album out by the end of September.
[Outro text ends here]


THE END!


(Chris Beyond is the creator of No-Fi "Magazine"
and has a new respect for French Belgium.)


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